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life on two levels

Posted by on September 21, 2009

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We had a truly great weekend.  Overflowing with great moments.  And then it was Monday again.

This Monday morning was the first morning that I have had the pleasure of bringing Sam to school by myself.  Dave has done such a good job at sending Sam off to school every day with the love and support that he needs to venture out on his own.  Some mornings I’ve gone with them, and some mornings I’ve been already gone to school myself.  This Monday morning things were kind of crazy at our house.  We were already late and Daddy needed a few more minutes before he could make it out the door.  So Sam and I piled in the car.  It was quiet as we drove, and then a voice pipped up from the back seat, “Mommy are you gonna pray for me?”  With a twinge in my heart, I realized that this was the routine that Dave had developed with Sam.  What a good dad!  “Of course, Buddy.  Do you want me to pray right now?”  Huffy breaths.  “No, Mom.  You wait until we’re there.”  Expectation of the routine.  So when we got to school I turned off the car and took a minute to pray over my eldest Son.  Trying to keep it short and upbeat because I knew the other part of his routine was to shed a few tears before saying goodbye.  As I went to get him out of the car he stopped and looked at me with earnest eyes.  “And let my light shine?”  he questioned.  “And let you light shine, my sweet boy.” I replied with all the reassurance I could muster.  Another thing Daddy must say every day.  I think this was part of the prayer that I neglected.

As I drove home alone, I thought about Daddy and Sam and their moments together.  I thought about how we live our lives on two levels.  There’s the every day business that seems, sometimes, to rule our world.  The coming and going.  The being late and getting things done.  And then there are the moments when our heart speaks truth.  When we stop to slow down and listen to the voices inside of us.

We’ve had so many moments of joy in our full family life, as of late.  Nata giving kisses.  Sammy learning about friendship.  Dave helping our friend Larry weld together the metal frame to a church.  Swimming, tickling, building train tracks that take up half the living room.  These moments are filled with a God given joy.

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And then there is a deeper level.  This is where I stop and think about the matters of the heart.  And lately, for me, these have been things like unity. friendship. honesty. humility. openness. sacrifice.  selfishness. servitude.  There have been difficult questions rolling around in my head and my heart.  Questions about the kind of role I play as a wife and a friend.  The kind of example I set as a mother.  And my ability to be authentic and alive in Christ or only just existing on the surface.  It’s here, in the deep places, that I believe God is really able to mold my character.  And if I’m honest, and I listen to him teaching me, disciplining me, and molding me, then it is here that his character really begins to take root in my life.

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It’s easy to use this blog as story board.  To give you the picture book version of what’s happening at Chez Jo.  And I know you enjoy those posts.  Our kids are gorgeous aren’t they?  But maybe more gorgeous is the dance you can’t see.  It’s a little more difficult to describe.  I have a maker.  He formed my heart.  And he loves me with a love than goes to a place I’ve never been with my husband or my kids.  He has been faithful to carry me out of the pit of depression and self pity.  He continues to gently remind me that there is more going on in this life than what we can see with our eyes.  He challenges me not to stop growing.  With him there is life and life abundant.  And I pray that he continues.  I want to be honest.  I want to bear fruit.  I don’t want to hide behind a pretty smile.  I want to show you who I really am.  This is really difficult some times.  When I take off my mask, I’m standing there exposed, vulnerable.  But that’s what I believe my God has called me to be.  And when I obey him, and listen to His voice speaking to my heart, I find greater intimacy with him.  And THAT, dear world, is the (some times forgotten) goal of my life.  The thing I have found that brings satisfaction like no other.

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And that’s what’s going on with me.  Really.

11 Responses to life on two levels

  1. Beth Smith

    Thank you for the sweet tears over my bowl of cheerios this morning! 🙂

  2. Kris Acker

    I love this entry.

  3. Jude

    This is what I needed to read. He’s been working on me a lot over the past two weeks and this testimony ties in so well with what is already taking place in me. Love you Hopie.

  4. Hilary Dwight

    Thanks for sharing, Hope. So sweet to hear what the Father is doing in you. Blessings to you and your precious family.

  5. Summer

    This was a great post and great inspiration. You are a wonderful writer.

  6. Gma

    I love you so much. Thanks for sharing your deep self with us.
    xoxo
    Mom

  7. Jaime

    Hopie so full of love and appreciation for you and your authenticity.

  8. LeAnne

    Thanks for sharing Hope!

  9. Ann

    I am humbled. Your witness is amazing.

  10. Joanna

    thanks for baring your heart to us and sharing this.

  11. Debra Harper

    I see you;)! I understand you;)! Your thoughts & heart are very much like my own ;)! I am not understood by a lot of folks because most do not want to be open or like that vulnerability that comes with unmasking?;(. However you my sweet lady know the joy of just being who you are;)! I know that joy as well;)! I m happy that those who are closest to you see you & love you for you;)! I m still hoping for that acceptance from some of those closest to me;)! I know they will come around in time but in the mean time it is sad to be judged and shun for simply being ones self. I applaud you;)! Xox

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