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still here

Posted by on February 21, 2011

Lately, quite a few of you may have been wondering where we are.  Certainly, we haven’t been online.  In the last month- or two- (has it almost been three months?) we have not sent out any newsletters, not posted many pictures, not updated the blog.  There are several good reasons for this.

The internet here has been worse lately.  We’ve hosted a team.  We were all sick.  My sister has spent 2 glorious months with us.  Teaching, running teenagers around town, malaria.

The truth is we are really in a bit of a crisis.  Trying to make some very big decisions.  Weighing the costs.  Going back and forth.  I’ve started writing a proposal- and then a few days later after a quiet and tearful conversation- felt like throwing it in the trash.  It all centers around where we want to be and what we want to do.  Bottom line.  We still need your prayers.

Depression.  Stress.  Feeling overwhelmed.   All of that while hosting my sister and a dear friend.  And watching her dream of adoption take a sudden and dramatic halt.

All of this has felt like grief.

The good news is that the peace that passes all understand has been washing over me.  Truly, I know that whatever we decide and wherever we go, HIS joy will chase me- chase us.  This has given me, personally, a resolve.  The commitment we have been considering is too big to take lightly.  The project to overwhelming and too important to commit half way.  It is something that we must get right.  And if we can’t get it right, it’s better that we not do it.

For sure we’ve had some awesome moments of joy.  Caleb had his first birthday.  We had a construction team here that week.  We celebrated together amid the rush of Wednesday night bible study for the girls.

We’ve had lots and lots of late night talks and an ALIAS marathon while the boys slept.

There was an amazing family trip to play in the sand.

I’ve been doing a whole lot of dreaming.  Dreaming of the project here.  Wondering if it will happen- or perhaps God is placing all of this in our hearts for some future ministry.  Dreaming of moving “home.”  Wondering where that is.  Wondering if there will be a craft store near by, or a fabric store. Thinking about what it would be like to take a family vacation to Disney.  Yes, the extended Johansson family is planning a trip to Disney this fall.  I can’t think about Sam and Nata there without smiling.  Will it happen?  I don’t know?  I can’t tell you where I’ll live a few months from now.

We’re still here.  The hot season is rapidly approaching.  Will it be our last hot season in Niger?  We wonder.

ps- Dave has been very sick and we have a team arriving tomorrow.  Please pray for us as you read this.

5 Responses to still here

  1. mrsJuda

    praying for you all, alot!
    miss and love you all and remember, my heart and my home are forever open to you and your tribe!

  2. Gma

    know that you are in my heart

  3. Stephani

    Love you guys – prayin’

  4. Judith

    I’m sad that I missed this post earlier. But it’s almost one month later and I wonder how God’s hand has been at work in all of you since February 21st when you wrote this beautiful and desperate piece. How are you?

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