still here

Lately, quite a few of you may have been wondering where we are.  Certainly, we haven’t been online.  In the last month- or two- (has it almost been three months?) we have not sent out any newsletters, not posted many pictures, not updated the blog.  There are several good reasons for this.

The internet here has been worse lately.  We’ve hosted a team.  We were all sick.  My sister has spent 2 glorious months with us.  Teaching, running teenagers around town, malaria.

The truth is we are really in a bit of a crisis.  Trying to make some very big decisions.  Weighing the costs.  Going back and forth.  I’ve started writing a proposal- and then a few days later after a quiet and tearful conversation- felt like throwing it in the trash.  It all centers around where we want to be and what we want to do.  Bottom line.  We still need your prayers.

Depression.  Stress.  Feeling overwhelmed.   All of that while hosting my sister and a dear friend.  And watching her dream of adoption take a sudden and dramatic halt.

All of this has felt like grief.

The good news is that the peace that passes all understand has been washing over me.  Truly, I know that whatever we decide and wherever we go, HIS joy will chase me- chase us.  This has given me, personally, a resolve.  The commitment we have been considering is too big to take lightly.  The project to overwhelming and too important to commit half way.  It is something that we must get right.  And if we can’t get it right, it’s better that we not do it.

For sure we’ve had some awesome moments of joy.  Caleb had his first birthday.  We had a construction team here that week.  We celebrated together amid the rush of Wednesday night bible study for the girls.

We’ve had lots and lots of late night talks and an ALIAS marathon while the boys slept.

There was an amazing family trip to play in the sand.

I’ve been doing a whole lot of dreaming.  Dreaming of the project here.  Wondering if it will happen- or perhaps God is placing all of this in our hearts for some future ministry.  Dreaming of moving “home.”  Wondering where that is.  Wondering if there will be a craft store near by, or a fabric store. Thinking about what it would be like to take a family vacation to Disney.  Yes, the extended Johansson family is planning a trip to Disney this fall.  I can’t think about Sam and Nata there without smiling.  Will it happen?  I don’t know?  I can’t tell you where I’ll live a few months from now.

We’re still here.  The hot season is rapidly approaching.  Will it be our last hot season in Niger?  We wonder.

ps- Dave has been very sick and we have a team arriving tomorrow.  Please pray for us as you read this.

diving in deep

Last night we said a very bittersweet goodbye. Danika and Daniel got on the airplane for a brief time of vacation in France. Daniel will then go on to America and a new job in Haiti. Danika will spend some much needed R&R time with our friends Helen and Phil in Europe and then see the Teagues in the Ivory Coast before coming back here in January.
Saying goodbye to Daniel was very bittersweet because we’re not quite sure when we’ll see him again. And his face has become very familiar these last two and a half years.

[Daniel and Sam Christmas 2008. ]
We didn’t know Dan, really at all, before he moved here. We knew his family a little. His parents a little more.
When God brought Daniel to Niger, he sent us a friend.  And God has done amazing things in him and through him these last years.  Dave told him the day he left that we have watched him become a man.

Also this week, we received a sort of every-day-kind of email from our National Office just asking us about our intentions here in Niger and re-clarifying our term here. Currently, our term ends June 30, 2010. Many times since moving to Niger, Dave and I have had periods of long discussion about why we are here and how long we should stay. This week has been one of those weeks again.
I want to ask you to pray for us in this regard. Specifically, that we will hear God’s voice clearly. There are some things that we feel Him telling us and there are other things that leave big question marks in our hearts.
This morning, as I drove across town, all of this put a new perspective on the sights and sounds that have become so familiar to me. I thought of Daniel. Thought about how he felt as he began to accept that he would soon be leaving.
And then I was filled with a sense of gratitude. And a little bit of sorrow

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[Petit Marche]
Gratitude for the years that we have now spent here. For the way that this life and this land have changed my perspective. Grateful that I have smelled and watched and tasted and danced and grieved for Niger. Sorry that I have ever let a single minute pass me by without that gratitude. Somewhat fearful that I have taken for granted these moments.
I prayed, right then, that I would never take this moment, this season, for granted any more. Even if this “season” of life in Niger lasts another decade.
Balance is such a very tricky thing for me here. I have spent some time reading this blog in the last day or two. I’m inspired by this mother of seven living a life pretty similar to mine. I want to stay aware of the needs around me. Some times I feel that the wall surrounding my house separates my life from my neighbors in much the same way the Atlantic separates your from Africa. Funny.

[A walk in the bush, January 2009]
As I look back at my own thoughts, I realize that I have said much about our life and very little about the lives around me here lately. There are many reasons for this.
Today God encouraged me to dive in deep. In friendships, in outreach, in love. I want to take advantage of every moment I have here with them. To treasure each trip outside my door. To engage this people in conversation, in relationship. I have become so comfortable in my understanding of who they are. Comfortable with the fact that I will never completely understand them. I no longer feel uneasy in a taxi or in the market. I know how to smile and greet them and laugh at my mistakes with them. I know when they insult and when they joke and when they are just being friendly.  It has become my little world.  Full of people and things I know.

[Spending time with some of my favorite kids this summer.]

So, I write all of this to petition you to pray.  If you are reading this blog it’s because you have invested (to some degree) in our family.  Would you take a minute and ask the Lord right now to give us direction?  To make the opportunities clear.  The best thing about these last years, as a wife, has been watching my husband in work that he loves.  A job that fulfills him.  A language he never thought he could learn.  As we wrestle with the possibility of leaving all of that behind the big question becomes… TO DO WHAT?  Is there a place for us where we fit as well as we do here?  And we know the answer.  If God chooses to move us, then the answer is yes.  This is his show, not ours.  We are following our LEADER.  (but still, please pray).

resolve

Today, for the first time in 2009, I’m taking a quiet moment to think about where I am and where I’m going.

2008 was a big year for the Johansson Family.  We celebrated a new member of our family, began the third year of Sam’s life, and the seventh year of our marriage.  I have to say, the view is pretty great from here.

When I think about my blessings, I can’t help but focus on our location.  In many ways, right now, it defines who we are.  Third culture kids. Last week, my 8th month old saw elephants and lions in the wild.  All before he said his first words or took his first steps.  It’s pretty crazy to think about the turns our lives (mine, Dave’s, Sam’s, and Nathaniel’s) have taken with our change of address.

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Dave and I used to be home owners and car owners.  We used to be people who collected paychecks and parking tickets.  It feels a bit strange, and sometimes a little irresponsible to be a 29 year old mother of 2 who doesn’t own a house or a car.  It goes against success as judged and defined by my home culture.

Today I watched as my husband led a church service of (I’m guessing) 35 kids, 10 teenagers, and 5 adults.  He started with questions about who Jesus is, why He came to earth, and ended with how that it important for each of us.  Then he led 3 Fulani teenagers in a prayer asking Christ to be the center of their lives.

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This is really, truly, worth so much more to me than anything money can buy.

But honestly, there is a place in my heart that has to be reminded of that sometimes.  This life demands that I prove what I believe every day.  Bringing glory to His name is more important than bringing glory to my own.  I love that.  I love that I’m challenged by it.

Which brings me to my resolution.  In 2009, I want to think less about what I have and more about what I can give: to my family, to my neighborhood, and to my God.  I want to spend less time comparing myself to others and more time tuning my heart to my Savior’s.  I want to be a better manager of my time.  This next year is sure to be full of challenge, adventure, and (hopefully) growth.

I’m excited.

Today I watched as a father said goodbye to his daughter.  They had a sweet visit in the far away land where she lives with her husband who pastors a Fulani village.  He prayed over them with tears of thankfulness, pride, and sadness for the moments missed because of the long road that separates his home from hers.  And I was reminded of this same feeling in my own heart.  The pulling that you feel when the rubber meets the road and your words of commitment to the call have to become action.

I was reminded of God’s promise in Psalm 126.  “When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed.  Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tounges with songs of joy.  Then it was said among the nations, ‘ The lord has done great things for them.’  The Lords HAS done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.  Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negev.  Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.  He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with him.”

The blessing, the fortune of souls, the songs of joy, make the going out worth it.  This year, may we sow with all we have.  May we give it our whole hearts.  May we be reminded that the tears of today will become the joy filled songs of tomorrow.  And may we never think that just because we have gone out from our home, the work is finished.  May we press on to the harvest.

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welcome home Teagues!

Yesterday I drove to the airport (Dave drove a different vehicle) with Donkarami, our friend and LINK employee. We needed gas on the way and had to go to 4 places before we found one that had diesel fuel. Just another one of those things that’s common place here and very rare in the U.S. It’s pretty rare for me to drive with Donkarami in the car. Usually Dave would be with us. Sam calls Donkarami “Eye-yieye-yieye”, and was absolutely thrilled to be in the car with him.

As we drove to the airport I felt like I was watching the story of my life turn pages. I told Donkarami that Chapter 1 was ending and Chapter 2 was beginning. You see, we were on our way to meet the Teagues upon their return to Niger. For my family, I feel that this marks the end of a giant transition and the beginning of something new. Chapter 2 will include our first trip back to America as “visitors”, a new baby, and a totally different life in Niger than the one we have lived for the past 6 months.

With the Teagues arrival, things in Niger will change. The biggest way they will change is that we will have leadership. We are very happy about this. We know it was God’s timing and his plan to walk this last part of the road alone, but we’re very glad the troop leader has joined us again. Also, we feel like our job is beginning. Our stated purpose for being here is to host teams. With the Teagues, the teams will begin arriving at a rapid pace. It’s always fun to have visitors!

And so we embrace this new Chapter with everything we have. In 11 days our first team will arrive. Many of them have never been to Niger before. In 16 days I will get on an airplane with Sam and the team and fly home to America. Tonight as we said prayers with Sam before bed, I thanked God for our life here. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I was made to be right here right now. I would have it no other way.

giving thanks

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I have to tell all of you that for months now, I’ve thought that this holiday would be lonely and hard for us. This, however, is turning instead into the first thing I am thankful for. Last night, as we went to bed, I told Dave that I feel excited about Thanksgiving. It’s turning out to really feel like a holiday. This is helped by the fact that the whole afternoon, yesterday, was spent in preparations for today. Last night I made an apple pie, biscuit dough, and cut the bread up into cubes for the stuffing.

Indeed, our blessings here feeling glaringly evident when we look around us, and in this way, we seem to have more to be thankful for here, than we would at home in the land of gluttony.

I am thankful for the people who will share our table with us today. Jeremy, who has truly become one of our new best friends. He is so crazy, and silly, and we love him so much. Dan Ligon full of fatherly wisdom. Lidia, who is sad to be leaving us in a few weeks to return home to El Salvador. She empitomizes a heart for service in missions. And Gisella, whose birthday is today. We will be having our Thanksgiving dinner at lunch and tacos this evening in honor of her. The good food just keeps coming.

I am thankful for the adventure of being the woman in charge around here. This is the first feast that has been compeltely up to me. I currently have three chickens in the oven. I will baste them with a honey glaze in 10 minutes. I have also started the home made stuffing that will go in the oven when the chickens come out. We will have mash potatoes, buscuits, gravy, cranberry sauce, green beans, and pie for desert. It’s been very fun to plan the menu.

We are also very thankful for all of you who love us are care enough about us to check in on us like you are right now. Your prayers and your love have gotten us to this point and really keep us going. We are sad to be away from our families today, but we are so thankful to the Lord for the path of adventure that he has us on. We would have it no other way.