drop a pebble in the water

watch the circles grow

that’s the way when you love each other

everyone will know.

dropping pebbles in the water

teaches us about God’s love!

This is a song that I remember Chuck and Becky Way teaching me as a child.  I think it was for a church musical and had a dance that went with it.  Don’t ask me how or why my brain has held on to these words, but alas, it has.

I was reminded of this song today, and sang it to myself as I logged into facebook to find 21 people had asked for a copy of our April newsletter.  And the thought occurred to me… “Why didn’t I post our newsletters on facebook ages ago?”

duh.

I can tell you that one of the most humbling things about life as a missionary is living day to day off the gracious giving of other people- and ultimately God (through those gracious people).  Or is it the other way around???  *ahem*

Dave and I have always had a hard time with this aspect of our job.  We have been so blessed and supported faithfully by so many.  Many times we even feel embarrassed about it.

I have been thinking about this more lately for two reasons:  1. Because we are headed home in June and we will need to raise more money.  And 2. Because we will be starting a new project and we will have to raise a pretty gianormous budget to fund it.  We’ve never had to do this before.  We’ve always been what we jokingly call “little missionaries.”  Assistants.  Who spend the money that other people raise on the projects that they choose.

Thinking about this and asking myself (and my husband) how we are going to accomplish it all kind of makes my stomach turn.  Although I have never been all that squeamish about the limelight, Dave is….. to the point of it really taking over his life.  Like he can’t function the day before we have to get up in front of a church.  It’s ALL he can think about.

This is us when we were prayed for and sent out (for the second time) after Nathaniel was born in 2008. Since we left for the mission field something very strange has happened to us.  You see, before we moved to Niger, we literally sat in the back of the church.  In the balcony, to be exact.  We were there every Sunday and we were relatively involved- Dave coached women’s softball, we taught a Sunday School class for Kindergartners, we volunteered in the nursery for years.  But we were, by no means, church leaders.

Let’s face it.  In Christian circles, some times missionaries are kind of celebrities.  I look in the mirror at my sweaty face and my hair pulled back in a bun, and I laugh at this.  Super Hero Missionary?  Really, it’s funny.  I, like any mother of small children, am covered in all kinds of things.  And let’s not even talk about my feet.  Any of you who have visited Niger are chuckling right now.  I know you are.

Right now many of you are tempted to leave a comment and tell me that it’s not a joke.  You do consider me a hero.  To a certain extent I’m glad.  I can say thank you.  I think it’s good for people like me to be considered heros.  We are here to do a work that is way more important than the work some other celebrities do.  To a certain extent, I count on that.  Because we have to raise our budget.  And to do that, we need to market ourselves and our ministry.  We need to do a blog, send newsletters, speak in churches… inspire people.  It’s an important part of what we do.  I want to involve people in ministry to Niger.  The success of what we do depends on that.

Celebrities in our culture are usually people who are physically beautiful.  They frequently think about things like going to the salon.  Or their wardrobe.  In American culture we celebrate tan skin, expensive clothes, makeup, white teeth.  All of these things are a bit artificial.  In some ways, this kind of beauty can be bought.  Missionaries are considered beautiful for what they are doing.  I really like that.  Especially since in a few months I will be getting up to speak in front of hundreds of people and right now my wardrobe consists of skirts and dresses bought from Harobana Marche, jeans bought at the Mechanicsville Goodwill (I LOVE THAT PLACE!), and t-shirts my loved ones bought me for Christmas two years ago.  I literally lay awake some nights dreaming that I will return to America where someone will nominate me to the show What Not To Wear. Until I realize that I would just be buying a bunch of clothes that I can’t wear here anyways and even if I could when I get pregnant again (NO, we’re not planning another one soon) I won’t be able to fit in those clothes anyways.  Sorry for the bunny trail…

Before I left my church, no one really noticed me.  Now people say hi to me like they know me.  They know who I am, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never met them.  I certainly can’t tell you their names.  And if they read this blog, they might know quite a bit about my life.  I don’t know a single thing about them.  And that feels weird.  Because those of you who know me well know that I am not super human.  I struggle with depression.  I have some pretty difficult relationships with people in my family.  I can be very selfish and self-centered in my day to day. (Like in this post, for example, where I prattle on about my fame and importance.)  I’ve done some things I’m really not proud of.  Super Hero Missionary?  HA!  How ’bout Sinner!

It’s so good to know that my heavenly Father sees me- all of me, and knows me- even the worst of my flaws, and loves me.

I think the having-to-beg-people-for-money part of being a missionary is a really good thing.  It reminds us that we are dependent on God and others.  It keeps us humble.

All of that said, we WILL be back in the US soon.  And we would love to do anything you can think of to get the word out about our new plan (more about that soon, I promise).  So, if you would like to hear about it or you have friends- or even a church full of people- who would like to hear about it, please PLEASE let us know.  We are getting super DUPER excited about the doors that God is opening for us and the things he is laying on our hearts for the future of our ministry.  It’s big stuff.  We are totally passionate about it.  And God is too.  We are sure this time that we are following our LEADER.  Because it’s him we want to make famous.